about compromising and feeling shy

While I am standing on the platform at the busy train station in the heart of London, dispatching trains and do costumer service, my head and mind is somewhere else. That is a safety risk maybe, would my supervisor and manager say! And do I care...
I am thinking about pictures, patterns, colours and ideas. I am looking at the knitted cardigan passing, carried by a commuter, considers the colourful dresses that asian and african people bear when they pass by on their way to somewhere. I see some combination of colours on a body, that give me ideas.
There is no hesitation nor doubt what so ever that I have no love for my job, as a train dispatch staff. But I must admit that I do get a lot of interesting experience and I see a lot of the London life, and I have colleagues from all parts of the world. It is something that make me happy and that enrich my life.

Well I have a family too, and it seems that it take years to get used to that, to be a mother and responsible for one and two children. I do love them most of everything, because I have carried them and fed them from the first day. But there is days when I just want to be me, alone and by myself, in my studio with my art and craft.
Because it is honestly something I can not live without. I did kept the art & craft work on the shelf for like almost three years until now and it affect me, I feel really unhappy and empty.
But it is so complicated to find a way to survive, I can not take the risk of not having money coming in every month, to feed us and pay bills. To give my children a good and safe life
That is the hard thing, making choices and taking decisions, compromise to get all of it.
But today I feel that there is a way to do it, slowly working and producing, carefully plan and build a business, that can become prolific one day.
And for me it is all about creating interesting, different, funny and beautiful objects!